Should I set New Year’s resolutions?

As we move out of the Christmas holidays and into the ‘business’ part of the new year, you may have been tempted to set some New Year’s resolutions. Did you?

We’re told that’s the thing to do, and there’s a million and one ways to set goals. Write down 25, narrow it down to 10 and then to 3. Choose one big goal and focus on that. Set deadlines for when the goals need to be done. Create a plan for how you will achieve the goals. ‘Block-out’ time in your schedule to work towards your goals. Create a vision board. Some say, ‘tell everyone about your goals so that you stay accountable’, others say tell nobody and that your dreams and goals are fragile and should be protected from scrutiny or comment. And of course don’t forget to be in the right state of mind when you set goals, a walk on hot coals or an ice bath might do the trick. Write them down on paper. Say them as an affirmation when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Conduct a review at the end of each day, week and month. Track everything, log every hour that you spend working on your goals. Keep detailed spreadsheets. Finally reward yourself with a treat when you reach your goals.

And all this will lead to success and happiness… right? Well, it may, then again it may not.

Take my example.

The circumstances of my life have changed significantly over the last few years. Before I was stuck in a crappy old apartment, where I could hear every footstep of my neighbours from the above floor. The old windows rattled if a car with a loud exhaust drove by too quickly. It was cold and draughty in winter. And the shower fluctuated between scalding hot and too cold. On top of that we were in and out of lock-downs to counter the pandemic. I was working in a soul sucking job, with no idea about what I wanted to do or what the next steps were. My social life was non-existent.

Three years later I was living somewhere that never gets cold, in a brand new apartment with a pool and gym on the top floor. Getting my place cleaned once a week. Food ordered in whenever I want. Eating out at least once a day. As much opportunity for social life as I wanted. An independent income with no boss. Fitter and stronger than I’d been in years. Total freedom for how I organise my day.

It was an almost miraculous transformation of my lifestyle from just a few years earlier. I had set my goals and done most of the steps mentioned above and arrived. The funny thing is, I wasn’t much happier.

When you have such a rapid transformation in the circumstances of your life but feel only slightly better for it, you can go one of two ways. The first and most common thought process is, well things have changed but not enough. Perhaps if I had more financial freedom, and an even nicer car. A better place to live and a more attractive girlfriend/boyfriend. And on and on.

Or you can take the second door which says, perhaps I (the ego part of me) don’t know what is good for me. Perhaps all of this is to teach me some humility. And perhaps instead of being so focused on deciding what I want, I need to discover what life actually wants for me. Why am I here? What wants to come into this world through me?

When you ask those sorts of questions, you get very different answers.

Answers mind you that might take some time to reveal themselves. In the interim there will be some uncertainty, and part of that process of discovery is being OK with that uncertainty. Those answers will come when they do, not when you want them to.

So that is my approach this year. To let things unfold. To discover instead of decide.

To put aside the ego for a moment. To see that endless thinking has been destructive as often as it has been useful. To be humble and accept the limitations of planned action.

At the same time, to have some degree of faith that something much more powerful than my thinking mind is ready to help out, if I allow it the time and space to do so.

The world is littered with people who ‘made it’ and still spent their lives miserably. I was on that track until recently.

If I have a new years resolution it’s to discover more and decide less.

One thing I have discovered is this, when you are in a good place in life (not a physical place, I mean internally) then things unfold for you, in a way that is much better than if you had planned it. The best doors to walk through are the ones that open for you. Not the ones you had to kick down or prise open with a crowbar.