Sin city
Sex, as they say, sells.
I sat in the foyer quietly enjoying my Coca-cola. With a good mixture of sugar and caffeine, it makes the perfect pre-workout drink. A man about my age, perhaps a little younger, walked by with one of the building managers. A petite woman, I’d seen her taking people through the gym on level 10. She dashed into the office to get her phone and the pair exchanged details. To what end I wondered. I smiled, good on him.
She went off and he sat down. We got talking and I told him I’d been in Thailand for three weeks. He asked me what I do and I reluctantly said, “finance”, which just led to more questions. I might just say, “writer”, from now on. He told me that he’s looking to buy an apartment in the building and invited me to his restaurant. But what a restaurant. Complete with “the company of the woman of your choice… Only three weeks in Thailand, we’ll have to show you around and take you also to Pattaya”.
To him it seemed fait accompli that I would be interested in this proposition. Like he’d just offered me a cornucopia of happiness.
The conversation trailed off as he looked at his phone. The small things people do always tell you a lot.
Sex in its debased form is just another external mechanism to change ones unhappy state. To make us feel better. It's no different to drugs, gambling, or any other number of addictions. Many like to mix all of these together. Like all addictions it grows out of pain. Some kind of wound that we carry. Instead of healing the wound, we do all kinds of ridiculous things and then try to pass it off as living the “good life”.
Bullshit. It’s just avoiding the real work.
And if you don’t participate in this good life, then you are the square, you are the weird one. We’ve got it back to front don’t we?
We are short on solutions in our modern culture. Good at treating the acute and rather terrible at treating the chronic ailments that afflict body and mind. So we carry on, in some cases endlessly. Repeating the same acts, with which we gain momentary respite from our unpleasant default state of mind. Is that not madness?
Wouldn’t it be better if we derived those feelings of peace and enjoyment from within? I’m no expert, but I think that practices like yoga, meditation and proper therapy can make a big difference. Or perhaps making peace with oneself. Saying, “look I’m not perfect, who is? But I’m moving in that direction.” The best we can do about the past is accept it. Embrace the present. And make sure that we’re better tomorrow. If we are just one fraction better each day, then we’ve done our bit.
After yourself, you may consider making your peace with your parents. They are just like you really. The same pains and struggles. Have some compassion. They did their best. Better yet how about some gratitude. Where would you be without them?
Who’s next, siblings, friends, teachers, the list goes on.
After that a healthy dose of physical activity is in order. I figure we weren’t made to sit around all day. How happy can a lion in a cage be? If there is one starting point that is simple, low fuss and hard to mess up, it’s being physically active. There’s a reason Forrest Gump runs around for years when he is deeply upset.
We have it backwards because this internal pain has been normalised in our society. It’s not normal. If you sit quietly somewhere and you don’t feel good just sitting there, something is wrong. But there are solutions. Real lasting ones. Not the destructive type that many seem engaged in.
It doesn’t mean becoming a yogi and retreating to a mountain. By the same token we can certainly learn from them. How is it possible that someone can sit in a cave alone for days, months and years on end and actually come out happy and not totally insane? The exception proves the rule. We can all be yogis for 30 minutes a day. And that makes all the difference.
It makes a difference because in doing so you accept that there is something within that needs fixing, that it CAN be fixed, and that you can do it gradually over time, while still carrying on with your regular life.
In the above suggestions I have described my own process.
Gradually, over time, I am happier just sitting here.
A series of short term flings isn’t so different from the paid variety, however I’ve tried to rationalise it in the past. And Bangkok provides limitless opportunity for flings as well.
It’s ironic really. Now that I have a setup to enjoy every indulgence, I've figured out (finally) that there’s something better
“Man plans, and God laughs”.
The thing about flings is they trap a good many people. What starts with a physical connection morphs into something else. The physical element obscures judgement about the other things that matter, shared values, humour, intellectual compatibility. I imagine it’s easy to wake up one day next to someone once the embers have cooled, and realise there is not much else there.
That, unfortunately, is an all too common fate. I think it can be avoided by going through the steps to get yourself right. So that you don’t need to rely on the next joint, girl, accessory or big win to feel good.
Nobody gets everything exactly right, but it’s possible to break the cycle and chart your own course.