The lone wolf - one year later
To be completely honest, I was going through quite a rough patch a year ago. If you had asked me R U OK? I would have had to say, not really. I was to some degree anxious and depressed. I wasn’t sleeping well, I had no energy. I had to drag myself to the gym where I would often feel light headed and in the afternoons I needed a nap.
Fortunately I had enough experience to know that if you take the right actions, those rough patches don’t last. When you’re in the thick of it, it feels like it will last forever, but of course it doesn’t. So that’s what I kept in mind, this is temporary and it’s happening for me to learn something. As I wrote last year, I had to laugh at my misery. Here I was in Bangkok, living a life of freedom that I had dreamed about and I was completely unhappy.
The lesson that it forced me to learn was to look inward for my sense of well-being, instead of looking to external circumstances. That’s a powerful lesson, and while it was unpleasant at the time, I know that I’m fortunate, since most people don’t learn that lesson until very late in life, if at all. The truth is, once you have enough food and somewhere safe and comfortable to sleep, external things can only do so much for you.
Lately this point struck me again when I realised that, I’m living in the same condo, going to the same gym, a member of the same co-working space and have the same group of people around me. Yet I’m feeling MUCH better. So what’s changed? I’ve changed, and that is the key. When you change, the world around you does too. Even the very same things will seem different to you.
I look back at my 20’s, my energy and strength were immense. A lot of which seemed wasted, but it got me to this point. By striving without reservation for external things, I reached the end of that road early in life, only to find a pot of… well not gold. But the muck that I found is the fertiliser that I’ve used for this next stage of growth.
Things around you change depending on how you interact with them. Choosing the right circumstances is important. It’s like choosing the right tree to plant in a particular spot in your garden. You need to assess how it will look, how tall it will grow and what kind of soil and sunlight it needs. So choosing the right tree is vital, but that’s only half the battle. The other part is nurturing it so that it grows properly. It’s the same thing with your work, spouse, or any other choice that you make.
There is no 100% right choice. You make the best choice that you can at the time, and if you put your heart and soul into it, it will almost certainly turn out great.
So what of the Lone Wolf? Well, he went one way and I went another. I don’t feel alone anymore. I’ve got some great people around me in Bangkok and beyond that I know there’s 8 billion others out there, who with some minor differences, are on the same journey.