Wishing well

We are about to pass the half-way mark for 2023.

Time flies. Especially when you can think back to 2019 (working at RMIT University in Melbourne), 2015 ( first year in Japan and some of my fondest memories), 2012 (starting a second degree in exercise science), 2008 (opening a share trading account in the middle of the GFC), 2000 (moving to a new school where I went from being a big fish in a small pond to an average sized fish in a big pond), 1996 (first trip to Europe), 1993 (moving to a new house), 1991 (building things with Dad in the backyard).

All of those memories seem compressed like thin little sheets, stacked next to each other. I can take one out and look at it in my mind, radiant but somehow flimsy.

The passing of time is one of the bitter sweet things in life. I love those memories, but I also know I can’t really go back. So what to do?

I think you have to be adaptable, and make the most of the present moment. And if you’re not getting along well, learn what you need to in order better enjoy it. On the other side of every discomfort is a new lesson to be learnt.

A couple of years ago, locked down during the pandemic, unable even to move beyond a 5km radius, moving over to Bangkok and working remotely was a pipe dream. And yet, here I am. While we can’t revisit the past, we can certainly create our future. I suppose in this case I even surprised myself at the speed with which I made my vision a reality.

So I set myself up in Bangkok. I had the vision, worked hard, I was bold and I arrived triumphant. Only problem, I wasn’t enjoying it. Why?

Because I had to adapt. I also had to accept that my ability to determine what I want, really want, and what is good for me, is limited. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could map out our future, head right for that and find complete happiness in it. The lesson of these last few weeks for me is, that it doesn’t work like that. There are too many variables, and our intelligence too limited to account for everything. Constant tweaks are needed along the way. And along with those tweaks the humility to accept that you need to change your plans, to adapt and to learn the lessons that reality is trying to get through your thick skull.

How loud does the voice of reality need to get? At first you might stub your little toe, then have trouble getting a good night sleep. After that you might feel anxious. And that nudging will just keep getting louder and louder and louder. Until it’s a thunderous roar. What will you do? Drink and drug yourself silly? Bury yourself in mindless distractions? Or actually make the changes that are needed.

This post is primarily a message to myself by the way. Since this is the predicament I found myself in.

I thought I could be like some of the people I met here, who sit in their home office for 10 hours a day working. It turns out, that’s not me! I tried to push myself, sitting there for hours on end, reading news and financial reports. I wish I could. I can’t. Does that mean I’ll never excel at any one thing to the extent of a Buffet or Edison, probably yes, but what is the point of excelling if you are miserable.

I figure I’ll have to do things my way.

A couple of hours a day of heavy finance, sure I can do that. A bit of writing. A dose of exercise. And working from a co-working space where I can chat with people, that I can do.

I know this, if you are at all a social person (most of us are despite what we might think), isolation is no good. We need to see other people’s faces, how their eyes look when we say something, the uptick in their voice when they get excited, the involuntary laughter.

As much as I struggled with my previous jobs, I loved my work colleagues. The banter, lunches and drinks after work. That we are deprived of those things with this online world we have created is such a shame. I shudder when I speak with people in their 20’s who spend most of their week working from home. I know it’s a bother, trudging into the office, but just sitting at home looking at a screen we miss out on too much.

I wasn’t a model office worker by any means. I think I never really cared about the jobs enough, somehow I always knew it was just filling time, so I broke a lot of the rules.

I remember in my first job making my manager laugh so much he literally couldn’t breathe for about 5 minutes. People were looking at us like we were crazy. And what would a workplace be without a good office romance. When I got into a job I figured I only had about 8-12 months before I couldn’t stand it anymore, so why not have some fun. I think I got through based on charm and the occasional piece of insightful work, but eventually things would catch up with me.

That’s a bit of a tangent and not a recommended approach. The point is it is the connections with people that I remember from those jobs. And that is what we miss when we work online. And it is what I was missing here in Bangkok.

Life when done well, it seems, is a process of constant learning and adaptation.

They say you should be careful what you wish for. At the heart of that saying is a caution that our ability to see into the future is limited and that the desires of today may not be the same as the desires of tomorrow. We change, and as a result what we want and need changes too.

Some things don’t change though. We all need clean air, water and good food. We need to be in nature. We need to have meaningful interactions with other people. And we need exercise. If you aren’t getting those things then save yourself the horoscopes, substances, therapists and mental acrobatics. That won’t help. Most of what we call happiness just comes down to the basic things in life.

Best wishes.